I’ve got a lot of weight to lose. I’m committed in the morning, but by the time the end of the day rolls around, it seems like it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m hungry, tired and sick of being good. I need to figure out a way to make this feeling of “whatever” turn into something positive.
Popularity: 31% [?]
Yesterday I got a look at a new head shot that was taken of me for a web site. I’m 20 pounds heavier than in my last head shot, and boy does it show. My face just looks heavy and blank. I guess I really didn’t realize the difference until comparing it to my old one. Yuck, and a great motivator for change.
Popularity: 31% [?]
Today’s news: 225 lbs.
I can’t believe I’ve let myself go this far. It’s scary, uncomfortable and worst of all, my pants are too tight.
Popularity: 8% [?]
Okay, I’m stuck. I’ve been stuck here for two years. I think that I shall NEVER break this barrier. I have been flirting with the same constant weight now for 18 months — 210. They say it’s good to maintain your weight, not to increase or decrease, but by God, this is not good.
Popularity: 31% [?]
Lucky me. Not only have I fallen off the bandwagon of blogging, I’ve fallen off the diet binge too. While I haven’t really gained weight, I’ve not lost it, either. Now I’m being penalized by my new insurance carrier for being overweight and aged. I get to pay a 25% premium for my health insurance. That translates to about $1.71 for each extra pound I’m hauling around.
You might think that extra $1,200 a year would motivate me to get off my capacious hindquarters and lose the weight. But sadly, right now I just don’t feel the fever. I feel a lot more like diving into a loaf of bread, some Pierre Robert and a nice bottle of Cotes du Rhone. It all just feels so intractable. And I’m pretty dang healthy in other ways. My resting heart rate is 48; my blood pressure is 105/70, and my cholesterol is only 185. I don’t smoke, I exercise everyday and somehow, I think I might live to be 314 years old. And yet my insurer doesn’t believe me.
Oh, the woe of being 45 and fat.
Popularity: 27% [?]
In the past two weeks, I’ve put on .8 pounds, according the the beast of a scale Weight Watchers runs. But I still feel thinner, even if I’m not. When I learned about my gain last night, I was ready to walk right out. Not to eat, but basically not to listen to anymore bullshit from the plan. I gained weight because it was Easter, and a whole variety of other reasons that don’t have to do with me accepting myself for who I am. I know who I am. I might not like some aspects very well, but I do know who I am and what I’m supposed to do to lose weight. And the truth is on the scale. I didn’t do it.
So it’s back to the plan, again. I feel like I’ve gained and lost this same eight pounds at least 20 times. What I’d like to do is just lose the eight pounds, then get on with losing the rest. I’m sick of being stuck here. It’s so ridiculously trivial and stupid.
Popularity: 50% [?]
It’s safe to say that I now appreciate food more than ever. Everything tastes better. And in the small quantites in which I’m permitted to eat, I savor every bite.
There’s goodness in this, I suppose. As much as I said I loved food and wine, maybe I wasn’t really appreciating all the tasty things I gobbled down to get me to where I am now. If you always have filet mignon and never ground chuck, how can you truly appreciate the difference and enjoy the filet as it should be enjoyed? Not that I ate filet all the time, but I certainly have consumed my fair share of rich, decadent and tasty things, and never felt hesitation about slathering on a layer of butter on a baguette.
Now that I’m forced to hesitate, I’ve begun to find that the choices I make are first really about enjoyment, rather than just feeding the beast. Of course, the majority of the time I could easy gnaw off the table leg, but at least now I know that if it goes in my mouth, it had better be really tasty. Because I savor every single calorie. And every calorie tastes better because of it.
Popularity: 34% [?]
The way I see it, 67 pounds is a lot to haul around. It’s as big as my dog, Semi. It’s more than 50 lb. bag of dog food. It weighs more than a sixth grader. It’s a third bigger than my other dog, Baci. It’s about half of a small woman.
That’s a lot!
These days, when I look at myself in the mirror, I see all of the flab. I’ve avoided the mirror for years because I really didn’t want to see. You know how it works: You look only at your head and cast a glancing gaze over the rest of your fully clothed body. Then you decide that there’s nothing horribly wrong with your appearance (no extra lint, stains, tears or holes) and put the whole image check out of your mind. Now I’m looking. I look forward to the day when all I see is me … without the flab.
Popularity: 55% [?]
I’m hungry a lot. Most of the time, in fact. Particularly on this diet. As soon as I’m done, I’m ready for more. It’s the same after 20 minutes, which only goes to show that waiting 20 minutes doesn’t necessarily improve the situation.
Since starting this plan a couple of weeks ago, I have had a consistent light headache. I can only attribute it to being hungry. Does anyone else have this problem?
I realize it’s a little self-indulgent to complain about being hungry when you’re trying to lose 67 pounds. There are starving kids in Somalia, after all. But since I do have to live my life and can’t immediately fix the global hunger situation, I’ve got to start with my own. Any suggestions about how not to be hungry and still lose weight would be appreciated.
Popularity: 65% [?]
