Rejected but not Dejected
-
Plain and simple, I’ve been rejected to become a member of the Big Fat Blog. I’d asked to join because I like the information the site presents; it’s fair, comprehensive and always well-written. But because I want to lose weight, Paul McAleer (the founder and moderator of the community) says I can’t be supportive of fat people at the same time. So I’ve been banned from joining the forum, on speculation that I’d populate the boards with weight loss tips or fat-hate.
At first, I was rather hurt. My own fat community, rejecting me? Gee whiz, if you can’t even get into the club you’re a member of by default, what does that say about you? Then I realized that my rejection is about them … about the folks who think that getting fat and staying that way, even at the expense of their own health, is A-OK. On principle, Big Fat Blog doesn’t want people contributing to the conversation who are interested in weight loss because that defeats the message that you can be healthy at every size. Too bad that not everyone is healthy at every size.
The truth is, I have nothing whatsoever against fat people. I’m fat myself, and I’ve got a number of fat friends. I also have thin friends. I don’t exclude or include people based on their weight. The lesson I’ve learned today is that everybody can be exclusionary and judgemental about everything, and it doesn’t really matter what your intent is. With respect to Big Fat Blog, my intent was to learn from the conversation and figure out how much I really want to lose … or weigh. That’s not going to be determined by a Vogue ad. That will be determined by me.
So while I’m a little put out to be rejected by my tribe, at the same time it makes me feel that for me, I’m doing the right thing. I want to be thinner because it will improve my health and longevity, and I’ll feel better. I could stay fat forever, but at this point in my life, I’d like to try not being so just to see what it’s like. If I’m not allowed to be in the fat club anymore because my viewpoint has changed, so be it.
By the way, I’m still keeping Big Fat Blog on my blogroll because it presents great information. Visit it if you’re interested; Paul does an awesome job of bringing all points of view into focus. Just remember, though, that I won’t be there.
Popularity: 16% [?]
Leave a Reply
One Response and Counting...
You are very generous in continuing to praise Paul’s website. What he doesn’t seem to realize is that while you may want to lose weight, you may not be interested in being Twiggy thin. Perhaps you want to lose enough weight to feel physically better, and get to a place where you are able to embrace your size and be happy and comfortable with it. Losing weight isn’t necessarily about caving in to society and the media’s “you can never be too thin” ethos. Sometimes (mostly) it’s about being comfortable with yourself, an idea that Paul seems to embrace.
For a guy who’s not into losing, he’s lost a very creative, intelligent and expressive member of the tribe.